you might know her, lol
I didn’t know her dying would somehow
be the first concrete evidence
that time is something real
and completely uncontrollable.
I didn’t understand that
her trip up to heaven would also
mean staring 19 years right in the face
and confirming in a deeper way that, yes, everything ends.
It’s not that I wanted to exchange you for someone else.
I never tried to fit someone else’s form into the imprint you left,
never even wanted to cut you out per se;
I just panicked because I didn’t know who I was becoming
and didn’t know what to do and felt too choked,
too dried out to even categorize my feelings
and try to articulate them respectfully.
We fought dirty so I played dirty, I’m sorry.
When silence ensued, it was welcomed. I didn’t need to fill the space with
some desultory comment about trees or gas prices or Jessica Simpson’s five-year
pregnancy/giant baby. Though if I did, I sense she would have entertained my random
musings. She wouldn’t have condescendingly asked what in the world provoked me to say
that. When I wandered off track while telling a story, she patiently waited for me to find
my place amidst my mess of unnecessary details and continue. And then she laughed at
the punch line.
Today was a very enlightening session, I learn more about myself
She basically made me question a lot of things I use to be so sure of
We discussed the things that probably are in the way of reaching my goals
she pointed out that I’m not fully as positive as I think I am
I wanted to disagree but she used evidence to back up her statements.
it was all in all a very relaxing and positive session
I think I might be obsess with therapy, I go for no reason but oh well
yes, why not.
So I get stop by the police a lot. probably 9+ within the last year
I get stop for stuff like: ”reckless driving, driving w/out license
going 30mph over speed limit, speeding in a school zone and DUI”
well today, I thought my luck would finally run out
and an officer would loose sympathy and give me a ticket
because this time I ran a red light,
well it ended with me getting a warning instead of a $230 ticket.
I will not photoshop the truth as a mean to appease,
the uncomforted ability of truth truthfully speaking
I will not crop out what others prefer to go unsaid
or resize truth for the purposes of fitting in your frame
I will not rotate or flip it, so that when you first ear it feels less offensive
I believe scars are lesson learned, so I won’t even fix any blemishes
I won’t adjust the contrast to make the image a little brighter