I didn’t know her dying would somehow

be the first concrete evidence

that time is something real

and completely uncontrollable.

I didn’t understand that

her trip up to heaven would also

mean staring 19 years right in the face

and confirming in a deeper way that, yes, everything ends.

It’s not that I wanted to exchange you for someone else.

I never tried to fit someone else’s form into the imprint you left,

never even wanted to cut you out per se;

I just panicked because I didn’t know who I was becoming

and didn’t know what to do and felt too choked,

too dried out to even categorize my feelings

and try to articulate them respectfully.

We fought dirty so I played dirty, I’m sorry.

When silence ensued, it was welcomed. I didn’t need to fill the space with

some desultory comment about trees or gas prices or Jessica Simpson’s five-year

pregnancy/giant baby. Though if I did, I sense she would have entertained my random

musings. She wouldn’t have condescendingly asked what in the world provoked me to say

that. When I wandered off track while telling a story, she patiently waited for me to find

my place amidst my mess of unnecessary details and continue. And then she laughed at

the punch line.

Today was a very enlightening session, I learn more about myself

She basically made me question a lot of things I use to be so sure of 

We discussed the things that probably are in the way of reaching my goals

she pointed out that I’m not fully as positive as I think I am

I wanted to disagree but she used evidence to back up her statements.

it was all in all a very relaxing and positive session

I think I might be obsess with therapy, I go for no reason but oh well 

So I get stop by the police a lot. probably 9+ within the last year

I get stop for stuff like: ”reckless driving, driving w/out license

going 30mph over speed limit, speeding in a school zone and DUI”

well today, I thought my luck would finally run out 

and an officer would loose sympathy and give me a ticket 

because this time I ran a red light,

well it ended with me getting a warning instead of a $230 ticket. 

I will not photoshop the truth as a mean to appease,

the uncomforted  ability  of truth  truthfully speaking 

I will not crop out what others prefer to go unsaid

or resize truth for the purposes of fitting in your frame

I will not rotate or flip it, so that when you first ear it feels less offensive

I believe scars are lesson learned, so I won’t even fix any blemishes

I won’t adjust the contrast to make the image a little brighter

PRTB